It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood....

I got a great start to the day.
WooHoo!

Psychological Intimacy

It has been awhile since I last posted.

I had my niece to visit me.
She stayed at my place.
Her visit was very relaxed and we got to chat a lot.
It felt so good to spend some alone time with her.

And just now, while writing, I realized something.
I have previously written about the fact
that I have a lack of intimacy in my life.
And yet there are people in my life, like my niece,
with whom I could develop a closer, more intimate relationship.
It has kind of brought to light my own part in my loneliness.
I am so fearful of letting people in,
letting them get close enough that I can get hurt or disappointed.
That I contribute to my own loneliness.
There are times when I have needs but I don't ask for help.
I don't ask for anything, really.
I just give, and give.
And then I wonder why I feel so empty.
So alone.
I am afraid that if I ask for something,
and it is refused,
that I won't have the strength to let it go.
Learning how NOT to take things personally is very difficult for me.
I give so easily, often without being asked,
that I don't understand why it doesn't work that way for other people.

I know, I know.
You have to ask for what you need.
People cannot read your mind.
Psychology 101.

It still upsets me.
It is so easy for me to give it away,
and so hard to ask for it in return.
And so I give, and I give until
the one time that I really need help and am forced to ask for it.
And at that point, if the help is not there,
the one time I really need it,
then I abandon the whole relationship.

There are so many elements in play with this psychology
that I could go on for hours.
Suffice to say that if I want greater intimacy in my life,
I just need to take a risk and ask for it.
Voilà!!!