It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood....

I got a great start to the day.
WooHoo!

Psychological Intimacy

It has been awhile since I last posted.

I had my niece to visit me.
She stayed at my place.
Her visit was very relaxed and we got to chat a lot.
It felt so good to spend some alone time with her.

And just now, while writing, I realized something.
I have previously written about the fact
that I have a lack of intimacy in my life.
And yet there are people in my life, like my niece,
with whom I could develop a closer, more intimate relationship.
It has kind of brought to light my own part in my loneliness.
I am so fearful of letting people in,
letting them get close enough that I can get hurt or disappointed.
That I contribute to my own loneliness.
There are times when I have needs but I don't ask for help.
I don't ask for anything, really.
I just give, and give.
And then I wonder why I feel so empty.
So alone.
I am afraid that if I ask for something,
and it is refused,
that I won't have the strength to let it go.
Learning how NOT to take things personally is very difficult for me.
I give so easily, often without being asked,
that I don't understand why it doesn't work that way for other people.

I know, I know.
You have to ask for what you need.
People cannot read your mind.
Psychology 101.

It still upsets me.
It is so easy for me to give it away,
and so hard to ask for it in return.
And so I give, and I give until
the one time that I really need help and am forced to ask for it.
And at that point, if the help is not there,
the one time I really need it,
then I abandon the whole relationship.

There are so many elements in play with this psychology
that I could go on for hours.
Suffice to say that if I want greater intimacy in my life,
I just need to take a risk and ask for it.
Voilà!!!

Second Cycle of Communication - CW

Communication
Gesticulation
Irritation
Aggravation
Exasperation
Provocation
Escalation
Altercation
--------------

....
James was driving towards his daughter's school.
He was going to pick her up as he usually did on Tuesday's after school.
He would then drive her straight to swim practice
at the university's olympic pool.
He always gave himself enough time to get there,
particularly since the speedlimit in the school zone was very slow.

James made a right hand turn
while continuing to drive 30 km/hr. as was the limit.
In his rearview mirror he could see a black SUV bearing down on him.
The car gave no sign of slowing down.
A moment later the SUV was right on his tailgate.
In response to the other driver's dangerous driving
James' reaction was to slow down to 25km/hr.

At this point the other driver started to honk his horn nonstop.
James looked back at the other driver in his rearview mirror
to see that the man was giving him the finger.

-"Jesus! What is that guy's problem?" James wondered in irritation.
"He's going to cause an accident."
 
James continued to drive below the speedlimit 
in the hopes that the driver of the SUV would pass him.
But instead of passing him, the other driver just leaned on the horn.
The driver's incessant honking made his aggravation very clear.
James sighed in exasperation and decided to pull over 
to let the SUV driver pass him.

As James pulled over to the right,
the angry driver pulled up alongside of James' Honda.
James looked over to see the man's face.
The man's eyes were bulging out of his head.
His face was beet red.
His teeth were bared like the fangs of a wild animal.
Blue veins were popping out of the man's neck
as he reamed off a series of expletives.
James was shocked by the man's savage aggression.
Then his adrenaline kicked in.

-"Why don't you just pass me, you stupid idiot?", James yelled in the man's direction.
He was sure the man would get the general idea.

The man got it, alright.
The other driver's face was so red 
that he looked like his head would explode.
He slammed on the brakes.
Then he leaned against his door to open it.
The driver of the SUV stepped out of his car.
He then turned towards his back door, opened it,
and reached down to pick something up.

James froze for one second 
until he saw the man approaching his car with a baseball bat.
As he reached for his cell phone 
he wondered how the day could go so terribly wrong.    

 

First Cycle of Communication - CW

Communication
Conversation
Perception
Misconception
Repetition
Reception
Comprehension
Accomodation
Reconciliation
-------------

....

Elaine: -"Well, can we at least talk about it?"

Paul: -"We've already gone over this, Elaine.
What is there left to say?
You've made your point very clear."

Elaine: -"But I feel as if we are not understanding each other." 

Paul: -"I understand what you are saying perfectly well. 
You want me to leave my job."

Elaine: -"I did not say that. You see. 
We are not hearing the same things.
I said that I wanted you to leave you job earlier at night.
Sometimes they have you working overtime until 9 o'clock.
We never see each other anymore. I miss you.
What kind of a life is that?"

Paul: -" Oh! I misunderstood. 
I thought you wanted me to leave my job.
Look! I miss you too. But the project is finished in two weeks.
Can you hold out for another two weeks?
Then I'll speak with my boss and tell him 
that I can no longer work past 6pm.
Truth be told I'm exhausted.
And if he doesn't accept my conditions 
I'll start looking for a new job. Promise!"

Elaine: -"Oh! Paul----That's all I wanted.
I am tired of always being alone. I love you.
And I want us to have more time together.
That's all. As long as you speak with him 
after your project is finished in two weeks, 
I can wait. We have our vacation in five weeks, anyways."

Paul: -"I love you too.
Don't worry. I'll talk to him in two weeks.
C'mon. Let's get to bed." 

Sangria on a terrasse....

Well, last night, despite the chill of the evenings,
I sat outside with a friend
and had what might be the last Sangria of the season.
It felt so good to eat outside in mid-September.
Great company.
Good food.
And great Sangria!

4 Cycles of Communication - CW

Communication
Conversation
Perception
Misconception
Repetition
Reception
Comprehension
Accomodation
Reconciliation
--------------
Communication
Gesticulation
Irritation
Aggravation
Exasperation
Provocation
Escalation
Altercation
--------------
Communication
Flirtation
Appreciation
Adoration
Admission
Attraction
Permission
Affection
Reaction
Passion
Penetration
Exhileration
--------------
Communication
Acclamation
Acceptation
Distinction
Laudation
Ovation
Recognition
Reputation
Affirmation
Confirmation

Bistro Clémentine (Part I) - CW

The luncheon crowd has long gone back to work.
And the "Happy Hour" has yet to begin.
The waitresses have all left and the only person 
on staff is the young man behind the bar.
Matthew Wright has worked here for a year, part-time.
He is a fulltime university student in business.
He likes his job but work is slow this afternoon.
The bistro is nearly empty save for three occupied tables.

At a table in the rear of the bistro sits an older man with gray hair. 
Though very youthful looking he must be about 70 yrs. old.
He is fiddling with his Blackberry.
His name is Arnaud Loyer.
He is the owner of the bistro.
The bistro is named after his late wife,x Clémentine. 

Towards the centre of the bistro, along the left wall
sits a couple who look to be in their late fifties.
Their names are Ian and Deborah Wellsley.
They are leaning in towards each other while quietly
discussing something that leaves them both with serious expressions. 

And finally, the third table is occupied 
by a man in his late thirties to early forties.
He sits at a table looking onto the sidewalk and busy downtown street.
He keeps checking his watch.
His name is Adam Seabring.

A young, attractive woman breezes through the door of the bistro.
Amanda Kent is late for an appointment.
As her eyes adjust to the change in light,
she unbuttons the top button of her coat.
Then she smiles in recognition.
-"Matt, I got the contract! Can you believe it?"
-"Sis, I knew you'd get it. How could they say no to your talent?"

Matthew and Amanda are half-siblings.
Amanda is six years older than Matt.
They share the same mother but have two different fathers.
Amanda's father died when she was only three years old.
Still young, Amanda's mother remarried two years clater to Jim Wright.
And Matthew was born a year later.
Though not her biological father, Jim has been her Dad ever since she was little.
And Matt is her brother. 
No step this or that, just her brother.
Matt and Amanda are very close despite their difference in age.
Though still at university, Matt has always been Amanda's sounding board.
Amanda is an events planner.
And she started her own company almost two years ago.
The company is growing quickly to much acclaim.  
Amanda is hoping that Matt will come 
and run the business after university.
That would free up Amanda to take on larger events
and forge a bigger clientele.

-"My proposal was chosen out of the three companies
who submitted them."

-"Congratulations! Are you ready to speak with Arnaud?
He is sitting at his usual table in the back. I think he is ready to see you."

-"Excellent! We can get down to business."

At that moment Arnaud Loyer looks up from his Blackberry
to watch Amanda Kent walking towards him. Arnaud stands up 
to greet her as she offers her apologies for arriving late.

-"Amanda, cherie, no harm done. I am just glad that you finally had time
to meet with me. Your brother tells me that your business
is booming. That is good news. Come. Sit down. I want to tell you
about my project. I'll need your help with it. 
Can I get you something to drink?"

-"Yes, thank-you, Arnaud. A perrier with a slice of lime, please."

While Arnaud goes to the bar for her drink, Amanda removes her coat 
and lays it over the back of the chair beside her. She then takes out her
portfolio and some company brochures. Even though Arnaud already
knows what Amanda's business is all about from previous meetings,
he might be able to pass on the brochures to potential clients among his 
business associates. Amanda never misses an opportunity to promote
her company. Most of her business comes from referals.
   
Arnaud returns with her Perrier and sits with his back to the kitchen.
He clears his throat then starts in on his project.

-"You see, Amanda. Business is slow on Tuesday and Wednesday nights.
I want to fill this place up like in years past. With happy, joyful people.
I want to start a singles night on one of those evenings. After work.
Almost like a matchmaking service like in the old days. Something very classy. 
Something that will help people find love. And I need your help."
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Stay tuned for part II....