Looking for JOY....

i am at the cafe waiting for janie.
i do not know what we shall do this evening but
at least the company will be nice.
and she is fun and funny.
and it is a beautiful evening out.

i am still in my funk and feeling pissy about it.
maybe i will run away and join the circus.
or move to the forest and live with the animals.

or maybe i'll just suck it up
and be where i am.
because wherever you go, there you are anyways.
soooooo......

where did i leave my JOY?
in my jeans' pocket?
up my sleeve?
in a hole in the bottom of the sea?

JOY, JOY...
come out, come out
wherever you are.
i need you JOY,
to get rid of my funk.

Q:did you know that arm&hammer now sells kitty litter?
i see the link but still....
what a leap!
now that is vision.

just a thought....

Knitt, pearl, knitt, pearl

So i am hopping from activity to activity.
First some knitting.
Now some writing for my blog.
And then I want to study my totem animal medicine cards.

Find a solution to this funk

i did some more knitting on one of my various projects already started.
two scarves and two baby blankets.
those are my current projects.
oh!
and a throw.
not one of which is yet finished.
no matter.

i thought the creativity of my knitting would get me out of my funk.
but it didn't.
so i knit for a while on my balcony and then i moved on to other things.
i gotta find a solution to this funk 'cause
it is really a pain in the ass.
feeling like this.
there are so many things that are bigger than my funk
and yet i am stuck here.
blah!blah!blah!

Where do I start?

I am feeling a little off these days.
I do not know what I need to change in order to feel better.
???
I know that something has got to change.....but what?
I think that I need to get more into the world.
If that makes any sense.
I do different activities, but always alone.
almost, always.
I think I need more intimacy.
Not in the sexual/romantic sense.
Just in the human sense.
I need more interaction with new people and new activities.
maybe I need to be challenged.
Expand my comfort zone.
Push my limits.
Get creative in some new way.
Resource my vital energy.

Where do I start?

Refreshing rain and totem bears

it is pouring rain outside.
and i love it.
even though i don't currently have an umbrella.
who cares?
the rain is so cleansing.
it seems to release all the negative energy in the air.
it is like pressing "refresh".
so lovely.

yesterday i went to the cafe near my house to do some research.
and there was a guy there that i know from the cafe.
he is a superb artist.
and he drew me a bear.
i called the bear Rudi because he looks Russian.
like a circus bear.
so i hung up the drawing on my fridge.
bears are my main totem animal.
so i feel good when their images surround me.
protected.

i am still feeling sad about having put Miss Petunia down on Friday.
she was such a good cat, a pretty girl.
i just could no longer give her the level of care that she needed
with her diabetes and all.
i just could not handle it anymore.
i miss her so much.

Giving things away

Today I have various things to give away to a community centre close to my apt.
It feels so good to have things moving out the door.
I really feel the need to let go of STUFF in my life.
To create some space.
In my apt.
In my head.
In my creativity.
All this accumulation and hoarding of things
is not good for the creative flow.
you need a certain amount of space,
or emptiness,
in order to be able to create.

Just a thought....

Pen to paper

i have not been into this blogging stuff.
and i could not understand why.
particularly since i love to write.
but i figured it out.
i realized that i love writing when i am using paper and pen.
typing my thoughts does not bring me the same satisfying feeling as when i write.
yet.
things can always change.
things ALWAYS change.
that can be a comfort.
or not.